35:03:20

I suppose that I should act differently now that I am a System Commander and a General to boot, but it almost seems hollow and less appealing than it might have a month ago. I am still proud of the team, though – each one truly deserves the accolades for heroism and skill. I am not sure if I can trust myself to lead. My last mission still bothers me – my disdain for droids surprised me, and I wonder how deep my other biases lie. I believe I have fooled myself into thinking I was completely reasonable, intelligent, and a veritable champion of freedom.

Or is the Dark Side simply causing me to overreact? I have spent the past week in meditation, and I am receiving visions through the Force. Images from the past, mixed with future possibilities; people I have known and loved, and complete strangers. I hope that I can filter through it all and glean something useful. These visions may save us all, but if I misinterpret them they may become self-fulfilling. Just what I need – more responsibility and pressure.

As part of my new role, I am responsible for coordinating Alliance activity in the Balmorran system – which has essentially only been us until now. But the Balmorran Resistance is growing; several new recruits have joined us, not the least Kay, Dash's “significant other.” She excelled in boot camp, but her eyes are weary and haunted. She has lost much, experienced more than anyone her age should experience.

Alliance High Command also allocated to us a flight group of B-Wings, which will be useful. Very versatile craft: I can think of several uses already for ion cannons and a tractor beam. We were assigned a mission as we returned to Balmorra – beginning with sneaking aboard the Balmorran Star. Arali will play the role of a wealthy venture capitalist, and she seems to be excited for the opportunity. I do not know if she is more excited about helping the Alliance or about wearing a fancy dress. Her entourage will bring along agricultural equipment – practical for our base, and can be used as a cover to smuggle slicing gear and the hyperwave communicator through security. Hopefully we can deliver everything safely home – it is all quite valuable.

I had a good conversation with Compatriot today as well. It turns out the Governor himself will likely be on board The Balmorran Star. I am still certain that he was involved in the betrayal of my family, though I have no proof. I cannot see any other reason for him to so quickly join the Empire. While I pushed for his arrest, since I think he may provide us with intel (not that I could really trust what he says anyway), I was overruled in the intel meeting before our briefing. Compatriot's superior in Alliance Intelligence thought this may be the only opportunity to take down a major Imperial supporter since the ship will fly through the Discidium Nebula, which will block all communications and obscure sensors. And even if we capture him instead of kill him, can we really trust anything he says? Varentari is a genius, tactically and intellectually, and uses everything to his advantage, in my experience.

I suppose we should trust Alliance Intelligence, but a part of me cringes at the thought. Is violence everyone's first instinct for solving problems?

35:03:23 - 01:30

Bloody incompetency! Take a deep breath, Swift, the Force is with us. And I have already vented enough to Sprend for the last hour. I am fairly certain he took a holo of me frothing at the mouth for future blackmail.

Arali, Dash and Kay are the only ones accounted for right now. So much for team discipline. Tor has been missing since meeting with one of the business owners, and Damaria disappeared on her way to what Dash considers a date with some well-dressed reprobate gambler. Not only is half the team gone, but I discover that Varentari knows the team is aboard, and is pretending to be against the Empire. Absurd! And the twi'leks think he is trustworthy!

Breathe. Not their fault – he is in a position of power, and I cannot expect the others to play power politics against a career manipulator. If only Damaria were there to get a sense of his thoughts. I cannot bring myself to trust him, ever. But I suppose she is having another one of her erratic nonsensical episodes. Shoot a helpless, defeated man in the back; run off with some libertine dandy during a mission. I should not be surprised.

Oh, and to top it all off, apparently Via D'Gane is now working for Varentari, too! I suppose I am glad she is still alive, but… for him… I am at a loss for words. Is everyone else insane?

Anyway, the twi'leks noticed the escorts had left when they were up in the penthouse suite; I found out from the Alliance that the Empire is having massive fleet re-deployments across the galaxy. There seems to be a major operation somewhere far from us, thankfully. Sprend and I will rendezvous with the Balmorran Star tomorrow (well, technically later today) in case we are needed, and the B-Wings will be our escort in case it is a trap. The cruise ship will enter the Nebula in the morning, and we should be protected from detection.

At least Arali had the presence of mind to provide the names of the business owners so we can run checks on them. Compatriot will get back to me in a few hours. Which reminds me… I desperately need sleep.

35:03:23 – 09:12 I am extremely worried about Tor. He is still missing – he never returned from supper after apparently having some sort of digestive problem. Dash and Kay investigated late into the night with no luck. Very suspicious. And Damaria seems to be hiding something – she turned up eventually, and this morning on the comms tried to make it sound like gathering intel or something, but I am no fool. Well, not a complete fool, anyway. Dash figured she was enjoying all the male attention she was receiving. Apparently one of the businessmen is an old friend from Kuat, and is a great gravball player. And has had a complete crush on her for decades, and she leveraged that for information. Effective, I suppose.

The escorts are confirmed gone, and Alliance sent word that the Death Star is approaching Yavin IV. It looks grim, but we will battle on against all odds.

35:03:25 – 14:40

Home, sweet home.

There is a deep melancholy infused in my joy. The poets say you can never return from where one has left, and I think I understand. It is not only Balmorra that has irrevocably changed – the Baron Swift of a year ago, or even a few short months ago has passed away.

Transformed.

Hope drives me forward, and the Force flows along my path. Change is inevitable, and so I am determined that the change will be for good. I do not regret the past, at least most of the past, but I do not want it to fully return, either. I have seen a better way in my meditations.

Speaking of the past, I suppose I should record my thoughts regarding the mission. Perhaps in doing so, it will someday become clear what went wrong. Our intel was off again, my feelings and suppositions perhaps misled as well. I still cannot believe Varentari is rebelling against the Empire.

Sprend and I arrived to a squad of Human League starships, and he took care of them handily, with the help of the B-Wings. The team was calling for backup – we found ourselves joining a ship-wide assault; Human League against Balmorran Star guards. It did not really make sense to me – what did the Human League accomplish? They may be working with the ISB – V'Rossum was a secret agent, and the attack was probably spurred on by his discovery of the project combined with Tor's ill-advised confidence in him. At least Tor turned this bad situation to his advantage – his slicing skills are amazing, and coordinating that battle was impressive.

In light of our current “relationship” with what I consider the illegitimate government of Balmorra, I suppose we will need to keep a relatively low profile until the planetary defense system is fully operational. Though it irritates me knowing that once it is operational, the Governor will essentially know every time we arrive or depart the planet. We will have to set up external support bases to mitigate this.

At least this project is not another Imperial super-weapon. I cannot fault the governor for the defensive concept; in fact, I approve and admire his courage, as much as it pains me to say it. I doubt he will be much better than the Imps.

Via is the new head of ISB operations on Balmorra. Our stop in Zeltros last week was… interesting. After experiencing the culture firsthand, I begin to see that Via is actually quite conservative and self-controlled for her species. Her intensity is just redirected into espionage and martial expertise instead of, uh, entertainment, I suppose. I spoke to her briefly yesterday as the ship sailed its last leg to Balmorra. She seemed reserved, but confident that we could outwit the Empire. Her false reports will definitely help, but I know the ISB is always looking out for double agents.

We also received miraculous news from High Command. The Death Star was destroyed. I felt the disturbance in the Force yesterday – millions more dying; almost another Alderaan – perhaps poetic justice, if we can call any of this justice.

To the present. I am sitting in my office at our base on Balmorra, a small room with a skylight and fresh air near the hangar. The base feels alive with new recruits, The Last Call and our B-Wings, and the varactyl babies, newly hatched; Merlyn and Jumper and Marv in his gravchair - he will never fully heal.

I came across the data chip we had recovered so long ago - the recording of a Jedi Master describing the ancient archaeological sites on Balmorra. I wonder if we should investigate the sites, or if our attention should be on building popular support or establishing sustainable supply networks. A visit to Baron Telmarr is definitely in order. He has a knack for organization and prioritization, and I need to speak to him about Varentari.

I sent a holo to Lauren, along with a short letter, describing the last few days. I miss her confident but calm demeanour, her strong intellect that is softened with compassion. Too bad the galaxy is so large – another opportunity flown away? Duty calls us all to sacrifice – is this duty worth it? Am I making a difference? But I think of Arda I, of the Inquisitor, of the Death Star, and I know that we cannot stand idly by.

I will follow the Will of the Force, and see where it takes me.