Andretti's Journal of Heroism

I did it on purpose. The dirtbag scemo was sitting there, thinking he was all that and a pack of chewstims, gambling like a Hutt. So I insulted him to his face, bought his favourite drink and spat it out and tossed the rest on his lap. The look on his face… so priceless. Yes, Andretti, you are truly inspired.

Oh, but I get ahead of myself again. So we had to go back to that space station we were exiled to. Can't remember the name, something to do with worms, maybe?

Well, I came in hot again, and this time had a perfect landing. I may be getting the hang of that beast of a ship. We happened to land on the same pad as last time, and that port authority uomini clearly is a coward. He was passed out on the deck, obviously as scared as my little niece when I took her on the podracer through the Grandioso Turismo track back home. Ah, little Fiore, looking back, you were really quite the bambino coraggioso.

Compared to this pitiful uomini lying on the floor.

So I tucked our customs declarations into his pocket and traded them for his stylus.

Predictably, Deadeye wanted to go back to the Dusty Horn, and I guess we didn't have anything better to do. She was acting kinda strange, but that's how she always is. She drinks like it's not even fun. Anyway, that's where I met Oran Veni, the Trandoshan who actually thinks he's better at racing than me. Mamma mia.

So as I said before, I insulted him, his skills, and hopefully his entire species. He challenged me to a speeder race. A SPEEDER race! So beneath Andretti the Great. It's not even a podrace, let alone a starship. But I humored him, almost feeling some pity for a creature that thinks way too much of himself, and I decided to teach him humility and show him what a real pilot is.

I think that Drekk was disappointed he didn't have the opportunity to brawl with anyone - either that or his eye always twitches. Maybe I'll ask him. Oran the Lame stalked off in a huff and told me to meet him on Dore, some insignificant planet.

Deadeye seemed very excited to go to Dore. Well, as excited as she can be. We also found out that my old friend Treeface is running the races there. The galaxy, she is funny sometimes.

When we arrived, we went to the Wispy Lotus to register. It turns out that Deadeye made some kind of fancy plan behind our backs. Drekk and I are going to be racing against her and some uomini. Turns out to be one of the smugglers we were looking for, I think. Maybe Deadeye thinks that losing is fun.

The race was for the next day, so we went to the Silver Horn Inn, and somehow Deadeye got our room paid for. I decided to ask no questions. The only problem was that the holovision was incompatible with my gaming rig. So bored.

Now, to the exciting part. Race day!

It's been a while, and I never really spent much time on land-based bikes - the true art is flying through asteroid fields at insane speeds - but I thought that so-called “speeders” must be pretty much the same thing, so I bet my entire savings on myself. Drekk AND Juru also put credits down. Inteligente.

I gave everyone a bit of a headstart to psyche them out - I then crushed the accelerator and the speeder screamed past them all. My racing concentration took hold, and I barely noticed Drekk destroying target after target. The first leg was too easy; Fiore could have beat the others. Amateurs.

Drekk and I relaxed at the first pit stop; we had to wait for the others to catch up. Silly rules. I insulted Oran again, and he was furioso. But he was too scared to do anything with heavily armed guards watching over us.

We had a little revenge for him (well, he hasn't actually done anything to me other than think he's better and have an annoying face, but who's keeping track?); Drekk smuggled in some grenades, so we left a little surprise behind us in the cave tunnel, which was the next leg. An explosion rocked the path, and I think there was a second one in another tunnel. I hope we didn't start a chain reaction!

The caves were dark, and there was a recommended speed reduction - bah, I scoff at such things. Our speeder was cranked up to the max, and I, the Great Andretti, shot out of the cave tunnels like greased lightning. My talents amaze even me sometimes.

to be continued